Travels with Hayley

So, I gave the whole hot food thing for breakfast another go today – it’s not for me 😂 This was a speciality of the kitchen – it’s 3 tortillas wrapped around totally dry pieces of chicken breast and then topped with this earthy sauce with raw onions – how can that be a go-to morning thing?!

I picked out the chicken for protein purposes and left all of the rest. I must come to terms with what I actually want from a holiday breakfast is cake and fruit – so I went back to the buffet and got cake and fruit! Talking of which, they have bowls of blackberries available – I wouldn’t have thought of those as a Central American fruit would you? We are all living and learning, one breakfast food at a time…

Off in an English music playing Uber again, this one had some cracking tunes on including Hotel California that had the driver and I singing along – he used google translate to show me the words ‘has beautiful singing’ – I’m quite sure he meant me rather than Don Henley 😜

Met up with Carlos, the guide for today’s tour of the anthropology museum along with 8 others, all of whom were American – again! One of them engaged me in conversation by asking what restaurants I’d been to since I’d been here – she was significantly less than impressed when I told her I hadn’t really been to a restaurant but I could recommend a couple of cracking salsa clubs! Turns out she’s a super foodie and had been to Mexico City’s top Michelin star restaurant last night – I refrained from telling her about the bowl of tomato soup I’d had for dinner the night before from the cafe!!

The tour started with this gent below. He’s the Aztec rain god, all 700 years and 128 tons of him and that’s the original one right there – which as Carlos said ‘Mexicans are good at making bad desicions, we don’t worry it will be damaged’.

It would be behind glass in the UK, let alone out on the street with the elements and vandals! Talking of Mexican bad decisions, there’s no driving test here – if you can pay for a licence, you can drive. How terrifying is that! Although I suppose passing a test is potentially no indicator you aren’t an absolute menace on the roads – I passed one didn’t I…

One of the Americans asked what is possibly one of the stupidest questions I’ve ever heard on a tour. The guide was showing us these huge round stones with holes in the middle, kind of doughnut shaped. Apparently they were propped up to be around 12 feet from the ground and then a game was played with a rubber ball – you had to hit the ball with your elbow or hip and get it through the hole (although how they can possibly know the details of this from 1,000 + years ago I don’t know!) The winner won the dubious honour of being a living sacrifice to the gods. Suddenly not being good at sports feels like it could pay off doesn’t it!

Anyway, this American women interrupted the guide to ask, in total seriousness ‘so, do you think this was the inspiration for Quidditch?’ Quidditch, for those who don’t know, is the fictional sport invented by JK Rowling played in Harry Potter – on flying broomsticks – how do people this dense keep themselves alive, honestly…

A few, carefully curated facts for you from the museum!

1. Mayans believed heaven was only for the gods – only 2 kinds of humans could get in – warriors that had died in battle and women who has died in childbirth. I very much appreciated that women were acknowledged next to warriors – one tick in the pro column from me for the Mayans.

2. Sticking with the Mayans, they used to cut open their foreheads open to embed stones in them to look like horns, in order to scare their enemies. This along with giving themselves face tattoos and chopping pieces out of their teeth to stick pieces of jade in for decoration. So turns out people have been doing stupid things to their bodies for at least 1,800 years…

3. Aztecs called gold ‘the shit of the sun’ How terribly poetic…

4. This huge stone below (which was spectacular to see, 12 feet in diameter and 25 tons) was slung under the town plaza to be used as foundations by the Spanish when they invaded. When it was discovered in the mid 1800’s they stuck it on the side of the main church – where drunk American soldiers celebrating their victory in the Mexican-American war used it as target practice 🙄 You can see the bullet holes in the sides and that’s why the face in the middle is all eroded.

5. This picture below is the top of a temple discovered in the jungle in the 1960’s by an American expedition. They originally planned to ship it to the US and chopped it into 60 pieces in preparation for the journey. Things conspired against the plan and it remained in Mexico in the museum basement in bits until 2001 when they started restoration – which was completed in 2022. 21 years to glue a few bits of stone together! Someone was being paid by the hour 😂

I’m such a philistine, my favourite bit was probably the little clay figurines that were naked or with funny expressions 😂

As Martin would say – I know what I know and I know what I like – and it turns out what I like is funny faces and statues with their willies out 😂 In fairness they are between 600-1200 years old and found in burial sites so still of grave historic significance as well as being funny!

I’m glad I did the museum as I know I would have felt I’d missed out if I hadn’t, and parts of it were amazing – if I’m honest though, 3 hours was probably a bit long, I’m not 3 hours interested enough in ancient history I don’t think! But you learn these things don’t you. Next time I think I’ll research maybe the top 5 things to see in the museum and why they’re significant, pop in for half an hour and see them and then do something probably much less worthy with the rest of my time – laugh at willy statues somewhere else probably 😂

After the museum I had a free afternoon – the square my hotel is in had a huge event this afternoon due to attract 200,000 people, so getting in and out of the area was potentially going to be a bit tricky. So I decided to just stay out for the whole day, go straight to my evening tour and hope it was all clear by the time I got back. I was a bit museumed and historied out by this point to be honest, what I wanted was some food, a bit of a sit down and a rest! I jumped in a cab over to Roma Norte, which is a very trendy, pretty part of town, and found a cafe where I had the most delicious oregano baguette filled with thinly sliced chorizo, Gruyère cheese, avocado, tomatoes and olives which was spectacular if possibly not terribly Mexican (woman cannot live by tacos alone…) and the best passion fruit sorbet ever.

No photo of the baguette as I inhaled it, you’ll have to use your sandwich based imagination. After my tummy was completely happy I crossed over the road to the park, which was the reason I’d headed over to this district.

Mackenzie, one of the girls last night, had told me about these things they have in lots of Mexican parks called Audioramas. They’re a space in the park that is just for quiet and resting, full of shade, comfy chairs and with instrumental music piped in to hide any road noise. What could be more up my street! The park wasn’t too big so I managed to find it easily enough – it was just wonderful. Other countries should introduce them immediately. There was someone outside making sure you didn’t bring in food and drink and reminding you to be silent – people took it pretty seriously, a ladies phone went off while she was in there and she immediately got up and left without hesitating. Everyone was just reading (there’s a whole trunk and bookshelf full of books you can take on the way in), meditating, napping or just generally enjoying the peace and music.

I spent a lovely couple of hours curled up on a chair enjoying the shade (it’s been super super hot today) and catching up on writing. Part of me felt guilty like I should be ‘seeing’ something but I’ve decided this is a Mexican cultural experience your normal day to day Mexican is much more likely to be partaking in rather than going to a museum every day of the week so I gave myself over to it!

(Literally minutes after I wrote this a dog fight broke out in the main park and murdered the peace and quiet – I jinxed it 😂)

The Audiorama closed at 6 so I wandered out through the park, past kids playing football and skateboarding, a couple doing a boxing training session, another couple practising an intricate dance routine, a packed to the gills dog park and a woman trailing a cat on a lead behind her before giving up and picking up the unimpressed feline.

Every blog I read before coming to Mexico City told me Roma Norte and it’s neighbour Condesa were the best places to stay in the city (obviously I summarily ignored them, being the contrary Mary that I am!), but the gringos have taken the advice to heart, there was an abundance of white faces around, outstripping the locals in many parts and it felt like a very chic, upmarket ex-pat area. I mean, I passed a hotel for dogs – if that’s not the most rich white person thing you’ve ever heard of, what is?!

There’s a slew of very upmarket looking boutiques and restaurants, lots of people sitting at pavement tables eating fancy food and lots and lots of little dogs being carted about! It was really nice to have a walk about but I don’t think I particularly missed out by not staying there.

Tonight’s Uber playlist selection included YMCA, Aha’s Take on Me and Saturday Night by Whigfield. Not only is it all English music, it’s all old English music! I was doing a tour to the Lucha Libre wrestling tonight so I was heading to a different part of town to meet the group at a bar. This part had a very different vibe to the neighbourhood I just left to put it mildly!

It was full of bars with rock and heavy metal music blasting out of the front, the bar I arrived in I was the only person not heavily tattooed or wearing a bandana! A particular highlight that I couldn’t be discreet enough to get a photo of was a guy in full Guns and Roses style get up – long black hair, bandana, leather waistcoat, chains etc. With the tiniest, whitest chihuahua you’ve ever seen on a lead! He very much had one foot in both neighbourhoods!

It was so much fun and another good reason to go on tours, I wouldn’t have ventured in alone but it was great. I was a bit early and by the time the rest of the people turned up I’d made friends with the owner, his brother and their dog, checked out their tattoos and been given samples of the beer they brewed, some ceviche and some kind of clamato based drink! I say samples, they just kept passing me their glasses to drink out of – I’m sure the alcohol killed any germs 😂

The tour turned out to be somewhat chaotic – they had let 21 people book and this bar was probably the size of my living room so in the end they gave up and hearded us out onto the street next to the roaring intersection! Beers were included with the tour – when I told them I didn’t really want beer and could I have a soft drink please, there was quite a long and protracted discussion to confirm if a soft drink was in fact available on the premises or could be procured. They obviously found a way as after a fashion they produced some fresh hibiscus water which was a deep purple colour and very tasty. I do like to cause a fuss…!

After the beers there was a mezcal tasting lesson – I say lesson – the guide gave us 30 seconds on mezcal which basically amounted to – it’s a bit like tequila but better – and told us to sip it, not shoot it.

He also handed us a tiny piece of cucumber dusted with chilli. I asked – when do I eat the cucumber, is it like the lemon you eat straight after tequila? Meh, he says, it’s just for a snack. The man needs introducing to a chocolate digestive if that’s what he counts as a snack! I had a sip of the mezcal – when in Rome – but felt no need to finish it…!

Also in the snack offering arena were some peanuts coated in chilli and garlic with grasshoppers – I’ve had grasshopper before but went in for another taste – they’re absolutely fine, quite earthy and the texture is just very dry and spiky. They’re about as substantial a snack as a piece of cucumber but with added protein though I suppose!

We all got to choose our own Lucha Libre character masks – I went for Dragon Lee because – well because it had gold on it and was shiny to be honest! I popped it on for a photo but there was no hole for my mouth and what with being a bit claustrophobic and not being able to snack on grasshoppers and cucumber (honestly not a sentence I ever thought I would write…), I took it off pretty quickly.

Next stop was for tacos at the busiest street stall I’ve seen since I’ve been here. People were 4 deep shouting out their orders, it was utter chaos. We’d been given the option of meat or veggie, I chose the meat (here for you Martin!) and was given a plate with a pork taco with pineapple, a beef one, and a mixed one with beef and chorizo. We could then doctor them with fresh lime juice squeezed over and salsas – painfully remembering the green salsa on the boat, I did a little taste test and this one was much better!

Watching the seasoned professionals I realised I’d been much too stingy with my toppings before, looks like you really go for it piling them on – I followed suit and I have to say, these were much nicer than the ones I’d had previously, I enjoyed them. Obviously the salubrious location standing by the main road with the cars roaring by added to the authentic experience! Apparently this is ‘the’ neighbourhood to go to if you fancy buying yourself some stolen car parts, I suppose you’ve got to be famous for something!

We had a quick lesson on the wrestling – I wish I could tell you more but the clearly overwhelmed helper the guide had roped in to corral this extra large group chose to stand in front of a roaring electrical unit on the street, plus her English was both patchy and heavily accented – and she had a lisp. So I didn’t get quite as much of the explanation that one might have hoped! Things I did pick up was there are the goodies who are the rule followers and the baddies who break the rules. If you lose a fight you have to give up your mask and reveal your identity which is very shaming for the wrestlers. She had us believe that they stay in character 24/7 and you can spot LL wrestlers in full masks just going about their business around town, popping to the supermarket and so on. I flat out do not believe this can be true 😂 She also taught us the ‘chants’ they shout out at the match which are just a string of insults – we learnt (look away now those easily offended!) collaro – asshole, puto – pussy and my personal favourite – chinga su madre – fuck your mum! I also realised that when I’d been introduced to the dog in the bar earlier I’d been told his name was Collaro – I obviously hadn’t realised what that meant at the time!

We got to the arena and negotiated the insane crowd at the entrance – thank goodness I’m not precious about personal space, it was a zoo, and made our way into the massive ‘Arena Mexico’, also known as the cathedral of Lucha Libre, to take our seats.

Snack sellers came around selling their wares – giant bags of crisps, popcorn – and if I hadn’t seen this with my own eyes I wouldn’t have believed it – off brand pot noodles. Which were selling like hotcakes. They should have sold hotcakes instead I’m sure they’re much nicer than pot noodles!

The women’s match was first and they were vicious. They work in teams and there was a lot of hair pulling, crushing heads between thighs and crotch kicking! All in skimpy outfits and waist length hair. I was wincing just watching.

There were six matches all in, ramping up to the main event with the most popular characters coming out for the last one. I watched one of the men’s matches and then decided to have a quick explore around the stadium with one of the other girls, Laura, on the tour.

There were lots of stands selling drinks and we kept seeing people with big plastic cups of beer with the rim coated in something bright red. We stopped at a stall to try and work out what it was – a bunch of Mexican guys were there buying them and saw us looking. They told us they were micheladas – it’s a lager with salt and lime added to it and the rim is coated in chamoy which is a sweet and spicy fruit paste and candied sesame seeds.

The older guy had just bought one and asked if I wanted the first sip – which obviously I said yes to! I had a sip and pronounced it very nice to which he replied good, this one is for you! He then proceeded to buy Laura one too. So sweet and pretty generous as they were £8 each! Bearing in mind our plate of tacos earlier was £1.50 that’s quite a price.

We stood and talked to them for a good half an hour, they were so nice and wanted to know where we’d been so far, where we were heading etc. They kept taking the mickey out of my accent too, it was so funny. One of them lives in Cancun and when he found out I was heading to Playa Del Carmen which is just down the road he insisted I had his number in case I had any problems or needed help. Which was very sweet of him although I suspect all that will come of that is that in a few years time I’ll be going through my phone and think who the heck is Enrique?! We said our goodbyes to Ivan, Alessandro and Enrique and headed back to the match. It was a really lovely encounter, especially because I haven’t found the Mexicans massively friendly so far on the whole – obviously there’s been exceptions but the shopkeepers and general people do not appear to be charmed by me hola-ing and smiling at them whatsoever! (Nb. I drank half the beer, it was massive and the cup got so sticky! I do think adding salt and lime helps lager though – sorry beer aficionados!)

I said to Laura how generous it was of Ivan to buy the drinks, but I reckoned he had money, he looked the type. She answered, very seriously ‘well of course, he was wearing a gilet’. So now we know how to spot the rich ones apparently 😂

We watched the rest of the matches including one with a character called Tiger Mask who had horns! The main event was the last one which had a character called Místico who was the crowd favourite, they went absolutely crazy when he came out. Behind us in the stand was a little girl of about 6 wearing a tutu and chanting his name, it was adorable. My personal favourite character however was the guy that came on stripped to the waist but in a full length fur coat, that’s a look right there!

The match was brilliant, it’s so camp and athletic (the women’s match seemed way more violent and real, you could hear the kicks landing, whereas the men’s was much more choreographed and more like a gymnastics routine with some fake throwdowns) and involved them throwing each other out of the ring and having side fights on the ground and a dwarf dressed as a monkey devil who kept running into the ring and kicking the fighters in the head when they were down! The atmosphere was electric and we screamed ourself hoarse as good prevailed over evil and Místico triumphed! On the way out we passed a huge queue outside a shop selling exclusively Místico paraphernalia – the queue was to meet the great man himself and for a bargain £10 get a photo with him. He must be absolutely raking it in 😂

Uber home (no music, so a neutral score on the English music vs Latino scoreboard), through the police barricade still set up after the event today – I obviously don’t look like any kind of terrorist threat as they waved me straight through, and collapsed straight into bed. Main tour starts 6pm tomorrow night and I have a morning tour with a cable car trip before that so more excitement to come!

Lots of love always xx